Naruto: God of Pranks
by Legojunkie
Summary: The Greek Gods and Goddesses learn of Naruto's treatment, and decide to take him under their wing.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Hiruzen Sarutobi, also known as the former Sandaime Hokage, the Professor, and the God of Shinobi, one of the most feared and respected men in the Elemental Nations, had a headache.

It started several hours ago when Minato Namikaze, the fourth and current Hokage, went contacted him with a message that his wife, Kushina Uzumaki was going into labor. Normally, this would involve a rush to the hospital followed by a period of pain for the mother-to-be, then celebration. However, the circumstances in this case were anything but normal.

For starters, no one but a select few friends knew the pair was married, or even together. The reason for this was the fact that in the Third Great Shinobi War, Minato had developed an incredible jutsu that could take down battalions in seconds, the key reason the war ended. However, because of this, Minato had many enemies, especially in Iwagakure, The Village Hidden in the Rocks. In order to prevent assassins from coming after Kushina, They kept quiet about their relationship, even when they found out Kushina was pregnant.

The other problem was the fact Kushina was the current jinchuriki of Kyuubi, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, the strongest of the Tailed Beasts. Contrary to popular belief, the Tailed Beasts are not evil, just powerful and walking natural disasters. Kyuubi, for instance, can cause an earthquake just by taking a step or a tsunami with a sweep of its tail. They don't try to, it just happens. Eventually the ninja villages began capturing the beasts to seal inside people in order to contain the destructive power and use them as weapons.

Kyuubi was the last one to be sealed, and Kyuubi's capture was accidental. When the two founders of Konohagakure, The Village Hidden in the Leaves, Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha clashed over who would lead the village, Madara somehow summoned Kyuubi and used his kekkei genkai, the Sharingan, to control it through illusions. Hashirama used his own kekkei genkai, Mokuton, to capture the beast and then sealed it into his wife, Mito Uzumaki. As Mito neared the end of her life, Kyuubi was resealed into Kushina. Kyuubi and Kushina ended up as good friends, and it allowed her to access its power in combat.

However, when a female jinchuriki is about to give birth, the seal holding the beast in weakens, creating a possibility of the beast escaping, resulting in the death of its container. Due to these problems, Minato and Kushina went to a secluded bunker along with Hiruzen's wife, Biwako, as the midwife and several ANBU Black Ops as guards. The plan was for Kyuubi to suppress its powers while Minato held the seal together as Kushina gave birth. However, something went wrong.

Hiruzen was in his office when he heard that the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox was attacking. Fearing the worst, he headed to the bunker to find the ANBU and Biwako dead, Kushina dying, and Minato holding the boy that had just been born. Minato explained that a masked man had held the baby hostage after killing the ANBU and Biwako and forced Kyuubi out and was now controlling it.

Minato then summoned the Boss of the Toad Summons, Gamabunta, to hold off the Fox while the two new parents sealed it into Naruto, unfortunately the sealing cost them their lives, along with the hundreds of victims that died before it could be sealed. A meeting of the Council was called soon after, and that was where Hiruzen was now.

The Council was made of three parts: the Clan Heads (Hiashi Hyuga, Fugaku Uchiha, Shibi Aburame, Tsume Inuzuka, Inoichi Yamanaka, Shikaku Nara, and Choza Akimichi) the Civilian Council lead by Saya Haruno, and the three village elders: Homura Mitokado, Koharu Utatane, and Danzo Shimura.

The first topic was who would be the new Hokage, which led to a large argument until Hiruzen announced that he would reclaim the title. Then, after he told them of how Kyuubi had been sealed into an orphan by the name of Naruto Uzumaki, keeping Naruto's parents a secret for the same reason Minato and Kushina kept the marriage and pregnancy a secret, he didn't want Iwa to send assassins, although he did plan to reveal it once Naruto was old enough to protect himself, the problems started.

The Clan Heads each wanted to adopt the boy, but Homura and Koharu refused the offers under the belief he should be not be loyal to any one clan in particular. Danzo tried to take custody of him in order to turn him into a living weapon, which was shot down by Hiruzen. And the civilians cried out for the "Demons" blood, believing that Naruto was the demon, not a container.

In the end Hiruzen decided Naruto would be put in the orphanage, and decreed that no one would tell the younger generation of Naruto's burden or attack him for it, breaking this rule would result in death. This was an attempt to prevent Naruto from being shunned due to Kyuubi.

After the council meeting ended and Hiruzen arrived home, he looked up at the skies, wondering what the future would bring.


	2. Chosen by the Goddesses

I own nothing.

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Chapter 1

Chosen by the Goddesses

"Kill the Demon!"

"Tonight we avenge the Fourth Hokage!"

"Don't let him get away!"

_Sigh…why can't they take a day off? Oh, right…today's my birthday…they never miss my birthday._

A scrawny just turned eleven-years-old boy named Naruto Uzumaki who had spiky blond hair, blue eyes, and three whisker-like birthmarks on each cheek wearing a hideous baggy orange jumpsuit was being chased by a mob of people with makeshift weapons.

_And the day was going so well…_

He had gone to his favorite ramen stand for breakfast before celebrating his birthday by covering the ANBU barracks in pink paint before leading them on a merry chase through Konoha, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Then he had lunch before going to visit the old man before returning home. And along the way home the mob jumped him.

_This is how they respect dad's last wish? Trying to kill the one he said to be called a hero? Mom and Dad are probably rolling in their graves right now._

Naruto wasn't an idiot. He had figured out about the Kyuubi being sealed inside him from hearing the civilians yell at him enough. And the fact that his dad was the Yondaime Hokage was fairly easy to tell when Naruto looked like a mini-Minato. After that all it took was a quick look around the Namikaze Compound to find out who was his mother.

_Do they ever wonder that if I was the Kyuubi, then why haven't I killed them yet for almost killing me? I can't even begin to count how many times they have attacked me!_

Naruto turned a corner and ran into a dense forest. The civilians stopped in their tracks as the shinobi, led by a chunin by the name of Mizuki, continued. However, before they could disperse, three ANBU appeared. One wore a cat mask; another wore a dog mask, while the last one wore a weasel mask. They drew their katanas and advanced on the villagers.

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Meanwhile, two beautiful women were watching these events happen. And they weren't happy about what was happening to their Chosen One.

"That's it!" ranted one, who had long black hair, red eyes and wore black robes, "I am going to rip those fools souls from their bodies."

"Calm down, Yami. You know we can't directly interfere with mortal affairs except in certain circumstances. If we could, we both would have done that a long time ago." Sighed the other woman, who had long blonde hair, blue eyes, and white robes. She was Kami, goddess of creation, and her companion was her sister Yami, goddess of destruction.

"But there has to be something we can do!" Yami shouted.

Kami sighed, "No there isn't…" suddenly, she brightened, "We can't, but they can!"

Yami raised an eyebrow at her sister, "Who can?"

"The Olympians!"

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Elsewhere, three women were talking to each other.

One had auburn hair and silvery-yellow eyes, and wore a silver tunic.

The second had long black hair and grey eyes, and wore a white tunic.

The third had long brown hair and hazel eyes, and wore a revealing white dress with several gold bracelets. She smiled at the one wearing silver, "So…how did your last hunt go Artemis?"

Artemis shrugged, "Not as good as it used to be, Aphrodite…there are fewer monsters every year, and normal animals aren't as challenging."

"Monsters are a dying breed." the third woman said, "And considering that there hasn't been a demigod in centuries to oppose them, it's better than them running wild.

"I know Athena," Artemis sighed, "It's just that there hasn't been anything exciting since Aphrodite managed to convince Zeus to let her divorce Hephaestus. I still can't believe you dumped Ares afterwards though, everyone thought you two would be engaged the same day."

"Hephaestus was sweet, but there was no love. We both knew that. And I only was with Ares because he was incredible in bed, although he's a little possessive. I knew that if I kept the relationship after the divorce, he would try to make me his wife. And I don't want to be a trophy wife."

The three were interrupted when they felt Zeus summoning them. They immediately headed to the throne room and took their seats as the ten other Olympians arrived.

Hera had long chocolate brown hair woven into a braid with gold ribbons, and wore a simple white dress that rippled like oil on water when she moved. She had brown eyes.

Poseidon had black hair, a neatly trimmed beard, sea-green eyes, and a nice tan. He khaki shorts, and a shirt with coconuts and parrots on it, and a battered cap decorated with fishing lures, which said "NEPTUNE'S LUCKY FISHING HAT".

Demeter had long, wavy black hair with large brown eyes. She wore a wheat yellow dress and has dried grass braided in her hair.

Ares wore black jeans, combat boots, a leather duster, and muscle shirt with a bulletproof vest and an iron padlock necklace. He also wore red tinted wraparound sunglasses to cover his flame-filled eye sockets. He was handsome with scarred cheeks and tall with an oiled crew cut.

Hephaestus was a huge lump of a man with his shoulders at different heights and a huge, bulging, misshapen head and his leg in a steel brace, with a wild brown beard that sparks fire from time to time. He wore a jumpsuit smeared with grime and oil with the name _Hephaestus_ embroidered over the chest pocket.

Apollo appeared as a handsome teenage boy, around seventeen or eighteen, with sandy hair, a bright cocky smile, and outdoorsy good looks. He was wearing a white, sleeveless T-shirt, blue jeans, and loafers.

Dionysus had a chubby face, a red nose and curly hair so black it looks purple. He normally has watery, blue, bloodshot eyes from drinking. He is usually described as wearing tiger-striped shirts and purple running shoes.

Hermes was a middle-aged man with an athletic figure-slim and fit with salt-and-pepper hair, black curly hair, elfish features, and a sly grin. He wore nylon running shorts and a T-shirt.

Surprisingly, both Hades and Hestia showed up as well, which put the others on edge. Hades throne was in the Underworld, and he only came to Mount Olympus for extremely important reasons. Hestia gave her throne up to Dionysus and watched the hearth, and like Hades, she only attended meetings that were important.

Hades had albino white skin, intense black eyes, and shoulder-length black hair. He wore black silk robes with souls threaded into the cloth.

Hestia was an eight-year-old girl with mousy-brown hair and eyes of fire. She wore a simple brown dress with a scarf wrapped around her head.

Hestia sat next to the fire in the center of the room while Hades stood at by Zeus's throne. Moments later, a man that had long dark grey hair with a marbled beard walked in. He had matching grey eyes with a grim but handsome and proud face. He wore a formal blue suit with a white pinstriped overcoat and pants, red tie, and white undershirt. And right now, Zeus looked angry.

Following him were two women that the others recognized, Kami and Yami. You see, after the Titan/God War, the continent that most of the war had been fought on began to change drastically from the energies unleashed, and two new goddesses, a spirit, and a giant beast were born from it.

The Olympians decided to separate this land from the rest of the Earth, and with the help of the two new Goddesses, succeeded. The goddesses took the names Kami and Yami, the spirit became the Shinigami, and the beast became the Jubi, the Ten-Tailed Demon Wolf.

The goddesses became the keepers of their world and assigned the Shinigami to bring the souls of the Elemental Nations, as the land was called, to the Underworld, which was connected to both worlds. They also assigned the Jubi to watch over the Elemental Nations directly. The goddesses often visited the Olympians, and were good friends with them.

However, Kronos knew about the new world, and plotted to use it to escape Tartarus. The Jubi was corrupted by one of Kronos's servants and driven mad. Kami and Yami were forced to choose a man to be their first Chosen One, and he stopped the Jubi by sealing it into himself. The man became known as the Sage of Six Paths.

Realizing that the Jubi would rampage again after his death, the Sage split the Jubi into nine parts, each becoming a new creature, while the body was sealed into the moon. He then raised the nine Tailed Beasts until his death. And the Tailed Beasts were charged with watching over the Elemental Nations, keeping the balance, just like their predecessor did.

However, Kronos's servants corrupted the Sage's older son, and convinced many that the Tailed Beasts were evil demons. Which led to them being sealed into various people throughout the years.

Zeus sat on his throne and announced, "Kami and Yami have arrived to ask us a favor. Now tell them what you told me."

Kami bowed before stepping forward. She told them about a masked man named Tobi, leader of an organization named Akatsuki, who planed to capture the Tailed Beasts, reform the Jubi, and free Kronos. Kronos had given him power and limited immortality to make sure he succeeded. His first move had been to try to capture the Kurama, the Kyuubi or Nine-Tailed Fox Demon, who was the strongest of the Tailed Beasts, by extracting it when it's current container, the mother of the Chosen One, Kushina Uzumaki, after the birth.

He succeeded in releasing and controlling it, but the woman and her husband, Minato Namikaze, sealed it into their son after Minato badly injured Tobi and drove him off. His last words were for his son to be seen as a hero.

He wasn't. His godparents left Konoha the day of the attack for unknown reasons, and had cut of almost all contact. Nearly everyone who was able to remember the attack blamed Naruto and tried to kill him multiple times, some even before he was a day old! He was beaten, ignored, overcharged, threatened, tortured, and anything else they could do to make his life hell. His heritage was kept secret because of his father's enemies.

And yet…he didn't break. Where any other would go mad, commit suicide, snap and attack the ones who hurt him, he was still sane. The Olympians were amazed at the young boy, and furious at the villagers. Even Ares, who was the most brutal fighter ever, and Hades, who personally assigned hellish tortures to people who did evil in their lives, were sickened at what the villagers did.

They were pulled from their thoughts when Kami began to speak again, "Naruto has far more than proven himself as our Chosen One, but at the rate things are going, he will be dead before he can complete his destiny. If not by the villagers, then by an enemy, since no one will train him correctly. And if he isn't killed, then he will probably be abducted by an organization named ROOT that is led by a man named Danzo, who is planning to take over the Elemental Nations though blackmail, fear, and power, and who will turn him into a mindless weapon. Yami and I can't help him due to the laws of the world, but you aren't of that world. Please…save him. Train him. Free him." At this point Kami was almost begging the Olympians.

Zeus nodded, "I believe I speak for all of us in saying that if we didn't help, we would be worse than the villagers." Zeus stood, "Aphrodite, go find Naruto and bring him here. Artemis, Athena, go with her and make sure that if anyone tries to harm either of them are…dealt with. Hades, go and find the spirits of Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki and bring them here. Hermes, find out all you can about the members of Akatsuki. Dionysus, track down the kids godparents and find out why they left. Poseidon, cripple ROOT. Ares, Apollo, go with him. Hera, take Hestia and Demeter and set up rooms for our soon-to-be guests. Hephaestus, gather equipment for Naruto's training. Now MOVE!" The gods and goddesses sprung into action, and soon the room was deserted.

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Pairing:

Naruto/Kami/Yami/Aphrodite/Artemis/Athena


	3. Divine Intervention

Chapter 2

Divine Intervention

_**With Aphrodite, Athena, and Artemis…**_

_Damn it! I knew I shouldn't have rested!_

Naruto clenched his teeth as he clutched his bloody shoulder as he pressed his back to the wall. He had made it out of the forest and foolishly believed that he had lost them all. The shinobi had caught up to him and hit his arm with a kunai. He ran…into a dead end. The shinobi were advancing on him with evil smiles on their faces.

After beating Naruto into unconsciousness, the mob stepped back to admire their handiwork before Mizuki stepped forward and raised a kunai, "For-Erk!" He looked down to see a silver arrow sticking out of his chest before falling over dead.

Three women appeared in front of Naruto, one wore a green and silver hunter's tunic with a quiver of silver arrows and had a silver bow with an arrow ready to fire in her hands. Another wore bronze armor and held a shield and spear. The third was wearing a white and gold tunic and was crouched down examining Naruto.

The one in the armor spoke to the one examining Naruto, "Aphrodite, get him out of here!" The woman nodded before picking Naruto up and vanishing.

The leader of the mob snarled, "Get the demon lovers!" and the mob charged at the two goddesses.

It was a massacre. None of the mob lived past that night.

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_**With Hades…**_

Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki were sitting together in front of their home in the Elysian Fields. Minato sighed and placed his head in his hands, "What I'd give to know how Naruto is doing…"

Kushina placed her hand on his back, "I'm sure our son's alright. He's got Hiruzen, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi, and the rest of the village to watch over him."

"I know…but I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong."

The two were interrupted by a voice, "And you have good reason to feel that way."

The couple looked up to see a man they recognized easily, and immediately got up and bowed. "Lord Hades. It's an honor, but what do you mean?" Minato asked.

"Your son…well…it'll be easier to show you." Minato and Kushina were immediately assaulted by visions of their sons life; the beatings, the hunger, being told he was an orphan, everything. When the images stopped, Minato fell to his knees in shock at what his-no, _the_ village did to his son.

"I'M GOING TO KILL THOSE BASTARDS!" needless to say, Kushina was pissed.

"Hold on Kushina, I already planned to allow the two of you to decide their punishment when they die." Kushina nodded, an evil glint in her eye.

"Now…let's go." With that, Hades, Minato, and Kushina vanished.

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_**With Hermes…**_

Hermes traveled to Amegakure, the Village Hidden in the Rain, where the Akatsuki base was. He turned invisible and snuck into the head quarters and arrived at the sealing chamber, where the organization was gathered. He smirked. _Now…let's see who's who._

After a while, he left. _Alright...Akatsuki is comprised of a living puppet with hundreds of other puppets and one hell of a spy network, a feminine man with a fetish for explosives, one of those crackpot Jashinists, a greedy as hell man with five hearts, a sadistic shark-man with a chakra eating sword, a feminine snakelike pedophile obsessed with immortality and jutsu, a hot woman made of paper, a guy with seven bodies and a god complex, and that Tobi guy. _

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_**With Dionysus…**_

Dionysus tracked Jiraiya and Tsunade both to the same bar. _Well, this makes things easier. And they're in a bar, too!_

He walked in and ordered several bottles of sake before looking for his quarry. He spotted them drinking a table near the back. Seeing that the table next to them was empty, he quickly sat there and listened in.

"So it's that time again, Jiraiya? Another year since we last met…since they died." spoke a woman with light brown eyes and straight blonde hair. Her hair was waist-length with shoulder-length bangs framing both sides of her face tied into two loose ponytails. She wore a grass-green robe with the kanji for gamble (賭) written in black on the back, inside a red circle. Underneath she had a grey, kimono-style blouse with no sleeves, held closed by a broad, dark bluish-grey obi that matched her pants. She also wore open-toed sandals with high heels.

"Eight years. Eight years since they died. My apprentice…your last living relative…and their son. You know…they named him after the main character of my first book." said a tall man with waist-length, spiky white hair tied back into a pony tail, with two shoulder-length bangs that framed both sides of his face and red lines that ran down from his eyes and a horned forehead protector with the kanji for 'Oil' (油) on it, a green short shirt kimono and matching pants; under which he wore mesh amour that showed out of the sleeves and legs of his outfit. His outfit was completed with hand guards, a simple black belt, wooden sandals, a red cloak with two simple yellow circles, and a scroll on his back.

"Kushina let his name be chosen from your Icha Icha series!"

"NO! My first book was a failure… Hell! I had a book signing and no one showed up. The only ones I know that liked it were sensei, Minato, and Kushina."

_They think Naruto's dead? That would explain things. Now…how to get them to go to Konoha and find out Naruto's alive? _Dionysus summoned one of his satyr servants disguised as a human and quickly told him his plan.

Tsunade and Jiraiya were lost in their thoughts when the heard two men talking at the table next to them. "Damn, that kid in back in Konoha sure had it rough. An orphan, beaten daily, hell, I'd have snapped by now." said one.

The other replied, "What pisses me off is that the whole village treated him like that, not just a small group. When we gave him that food his face lit up like he was crowned king of the world. What was his name again?"

Jiraiya and Tsunade were about to turn away, not wanting to hear about what their village was doing. But the next sentence stopped them in their tracks.

"It was Naruto, remember?"

In a split second, the disguised Dionysus found himself face-to-face with Jiraiya, "What did he look like!" Dionysus repressed the urge to turn the desperate man into a grapevine and played his part.

"Umm…He had spiky blonde hair! And blue eyes! Uh, Oh yeah, whisker marks! Three on each cheek!" That did it. Jiraiya and Tsunade were on their way to Konoha even faster than the Hiraishin, stopping only to pick up Tsunade's apprentice and pet.

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_**With Poseidon, Ares, Apollo…**_

The main ROOT headquarters was unrecognizable. A massive crater had replaced the aboveground portion while the underground was flooded.

Corpses littered the ground, some cut to pieces, some with golden arrows in their heart, and the rest with puncture wounds. Ares was in his element: fully clothed in bronze armor, he whirled his Blades of Chaos with practiced ease, ripping apart his opponents. Alongside him was a slightly less armored Poseidon, trident striking down any foolish enough to get close. Behind them was Apollo, shooting arrow after arrow at the ROOT members.

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_**With Hera, Hestia, Demeter…**_

The three Goddesses had just finished when Aphrodite appeared with an injured and unconscious Naruto in her arms. Demeter went to get Apollo to heal the boy, while Hestia and Hera placed the boy on the bed before leaving him with Aphrodite to watch him.

Shortly, the door burst open with a cry of, "LET ME SEE MY SON!" and a redheaded woman and blonde man ran in, shortly followed by Hades.

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_**With Hephaestus…**_

Hephaestus went over his plans in his head. _Let's see…kunai, shuriken, and senbon are the most common tools in the Elemental Nations, so I should make at least 1,000 of each. Fuma Shuriken, Minato's Hiraishin kunai, and other variants I'll make at least 500 of. As for a larger weapon like a sword…I'll what until he decides what he wants as his weapon._

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_**With Zeus…**_

An elderly man with short spiked gray hair and small gray goatee wearing white and red robes has sitting at a desk. The man, Hiruzen, sighed as he thought about the child he considered his grandson. Suddenly, a flash of light blinded the man, who quickly got into a fighting stance alongside his ANBU.

"Peace! I mean you no harm."

Hiruzen stared at the stranger, slightly intimidated. The man simply radiated power, and his instincts were screaming at him that this was not someone to mess with. "What do you want?"

"My name is Zeus. And I have a proposition for you…"


End file.
